Travelling often makes you know yourself better. And my dad, especially, claims that I came back another person, much more open and social, from my time in France, my first second home.
I used to be a bookworm when I was a little girl. I would close myself in my world. There were also not many children in the family. And in weddings and such I would spend the whole time playing and entertaining the kids, even when I was 12 or 15. I would rather stay with them than join the grow ups. And perhaps because for many years I was the only child I really developped interesting ways of amusing myself. I can be alone with myself for as long as I need.
But as soon as I started getting to know people on my own (it did mostly start in France), I realized how enriching and fun these interactions could be! So I started breathing in and gathering the needed courage to come into a room full of people and smile, start making conversation. I soon became the person that strikes up conversation with the new person, smile and make small talk, as I could relate to how they must feel. In fact, I am drawn and tend to get closer to those who are quieter, even though at the same time I try gently to take them out of their own bubble, so they realize what I did too.
And so I thought I had somehow changed myself from the little girl behind the book in highschool. And maybe if I would force myself I would. But I will just do what I feel like.
Coming to Haiti in itself didn't change it, I was ready to be as outgoing as I can. I know that for the most part extraversion has brought me great things and priority number one was to start making connections with people I could eventually call my friends. But here we live in a bit of a different way, again a change from how I've lived alone for many years and in several different places.
Here we live in a big house with colleagues, each with a separate bedroom, with whom we go to work and work from 7am to 6pm. Here my boss gets drunk in the weekend at parties with other colleagues (including myself). And she is so approachable and so nice that she can talk about anything and brighten up any group, even if everyone else is rather quiet. Here people come late from work and go straight into the porch to sit, drink, meet others and it can last until 11pm or midnight. Before they even come to their rooms to freshen up and without necessarily eating. Instead they smoke and drink beer. They also talk and laugh. These are very interesting people in fact. Since I arrived to this house, there were already 5 newcomers who inevitably come stay the night at our house before heading off to the projects the next day. And recently we had 3 visitors from the headquarters, who joined us for up to two weeks.
So it's like full house all the time. A bigger family than I ever lived with. Lots of talking about past work experiences. It's incredible to sit in and at times I don't have anything to say back, but the topics of conversation just fly by.
But tonight I really felt like wearing the PJ's all around the house and even go down to the kitchen in a extra large t-shirt grab something to eat because I feel hungry. And I don't feel like putting the repellent on again to be out in the porch. And it's been a while since I updated the blog and would honestly rather stay in my room doing that and checking my emails and thinking about my day or my week or last weekend. And I need to catch up on sleep.
And fuck it, tonight I don't feel obliged to smile, exchange names and hear yet another story about that time in Congo. So tonight I'm not coming down or I just did but it was just to sneak into the kitchen, grab something to eat wearing the large t-shirt (and some shorts which I took off again when back to the room) and sneak back up like I'm invisible because tonight the night is for myself.
So I'm not sure if I'm back to being introverted but I'm not available every night. Sometimes I might even feel like talking to one or two people, but no, not in the mood to meet the new visitor that just debarked here tonight.
Maybe tomorrow morning at breakfast. Or not.
Maybe in order to be again an extrovert I will need a good night's sleep as an introvert.
I used to be a bookworm when I was a little girl. I would close myself in my world. There were also not many children in the family. And in weddings and such I would spend the whole time playing and entertaining the kids, even when I was 12 or 15. I would rather stay with them than join the grow ups. And perhaps because for many years I was the only child I really developped interesting ways of amusing myself. I can be alone with myself for as long as I need.
But as soon as I started getting to know people on my own (it did mostly start in France), I realized how enriching and fun these interactions could be! So I started breathing in and gathering the needed courage to come into a room full of people and smile, start making conversation. I soon became the person that strikes up conversation with the new person, smile and make small talk, as I could relate to how they must feel. In fact, I am drawn and tend to get closer to those who are quieter, even though at the same time I try gently to take them out of their own bubble, so they realize what I did too.
And so I thought I had somehow changed myself from the little girl behind the book in highschool. And maybe if I would force myself I would. But I will just do what I feel like.
Coming to Haiti in itself didn't change it, I was ready to be as outgoing as I can. I know that for the most part extraversion has brought me great things and priority number one was to start making connections with people I could eventually call my friends. But here we live in a bit of a different way, again a change from how I've lived alone for many years and in several different places.
Here we live in a big house with colleagues, each with a separate bedroom, with whom we go to work and work from 7am to 6pm. Here my boss gets drunk in the weekend at parties with other colleagues (including myself). And she is so approachable and so nice that she can talk about anything and brighten up any group, even if everyone else is rather quiet. Here people come late from work and go straight into the porch to sit, drink, meet others and it can last until 11pm or midnight. Before they even come to their rooms to freshen up and without necessarily eating. Instead they smoke and drink beer. They also talk and laugh. These are very interesting people in fact. Since I arrived to this house, there were already 5 newcomers who inevitably come stay the night at our house before heading off to the projects the next day. And recently we had 3 visitors from the headquarters, who joined us for up to two weeks.
So it's like full house all the time. A bigger family than I ever lived with. Lots of talking about past work experiences. It's incredible to sit in and at times I don't have anything to say back, but the topics of conversation just fly by.
But tonight I really felt like wearing the PJ's all around the house and even go down to the kitchen in a extra large t-shirt grab something to eat because I feel hungry. And I don't feel like putting the repellent on again to be out in the porch. And it's been a while since I updated the blog and would honestly rather stay in my room doing that and checking my emails and thinking about my day or my week or last weekend. And I need to catch up on sleep.
And fuck it, tonight I don't feel obliged to smile, exchange names and hear yet another story about that time in Congo. So tonight I'm not coming down or I just did but it was just to sneak into the kitchen, grab something to eat wearing the large t-shirt (and some shorts which I took off again when back to the room) and sneak back up like I'm invisible because tonight the night is for myself.
So I'm not sure if I'm back to being introverted but I'm not available every night. Sometimes I might even feel like talking to one or two people, but no, not in the mood to meet the new visitor that just debarked here tonight.
Maybe tomorrow morning at breakfast. Or not.
Maybe in order to be again an extrovert I will need a good night's sleep as an introvert.
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