in the heart of a promegranate

Gibran Khalil Gibran is an Arabic poet (Lebanese-American). This is an excerpt written by him which I really liked just as an example and it's very appropriate since my surname Granada means pomegranate :) (besides grenade as in bomb :P)

THE POMEGRANATE

Once when I was living in the heart of a pomegranate, I heard a seed saying, "Someday I shall become a tree, and the wind will sing in my branches, and the sun will dance on my leaves, and I shall be strong and beautiful through all the seasons."
Then another seed spoke and said, "When I was as young as you, I too held such views; but now that I can weigh and measure things, I see that my hopes were vain."
And a third seed spoke also, "I see in us nothing that promises so great a future."
And a fourth said, "But what a mockery our life would be, without a greater future!"
Said a fifth, "Why dispute what we shall be, when we know not even what we are."
But a sixth replied, "Whatever we are, that we shall continue to be."
And a seventh said, "I have such a clear idea how everything will be, but I cannot put it into words."
Then an eighth spoke - -and a ninth -- and a tenth -- and then many -- until all were speaking, and I could distinguish nothing for the many voices.
And so I moved that very day into the heart of a quince, where the seeds are few and almost silent.

Across the universe

Today this is gonna be a random post. Just so you know...

My mom came to town and visited me for the past 2 weeks, or to be more exact I was with her not more than 5 of those days but still it was ... not sure how to describe it exactly... unexpected. Having her here and suddenly changing back my routine, figuring out about the typical places she ought to go to get to know Jordan in a condensed way (falafel, hoummus, mansaf, citadelle, museums, arabic tents and pateos,...) when those were sometimes places I never went before, realizing that the way she perceives this place, my life here or so many things will always be different from the way I see it and live it each day.

She is the most adorable person on earth, don't get me wrong, she really is but she made me realize how privileged I am at 24 to have been and done so much and that I don't ever wanna wait till I'm old and rich to travel and walk each mile of those places I still want to go to or live in. I'd rather do it right now, with 1JD in the pocket and a falafel sandwich in my hand. Besides people, there's not much else I need... maybe a cat now!

And we went to Syria! "She measures time not by days and months and years, but by the empires she has seen rise and crumble to ruin. She is a type of immortality..." now imagine this told by a deep and mature voice, a bit National Geographic channel style, and we're talking about Damascus by the writer Mark Twain.

To be honest it didn't look that old but it's got a charm of its own, I loved the long, narrow souk streets, the thousands "you are welcome!" and the bargaining, the tasty food in the courtyards and the mix between mosks, churches, roman archs and ancient city walls. I only missed the mint tea and walking for miles, coz there is no better way to get to know a place.

And then after 2 days I felt at home coming back, suddenly having to say goodbye to my mom when entering the cab that would take her back to the hotel that didn't allow us to cancel the reservation and in the rush emptied of emotions over practicalities, not like the day I first saw her here and made me drop some shy tears...

For some reason I will miss her a bit more now but she didn't fit exactly with the landscape, she will always feel home to me but here I feel I am part of the picture now too. It might be because of the cat (which by the way is now also staring at this screen), but tonight I feel like a beduin, don't know if there is really a fixed place for me.

And things too changed in just 2 days here, there were things I missed and people who came back, there's a different mood in some but the cat recognized me... I wrote today that there is no other place I'd rather be right now and it still feels right.

I guess travelling makes me good, now I gotta go take the cat to sleep.

Good night = Tessbaa- l-khair!

something's wrong with the world today and I don't know what it is

I was watching the news today and the G20 are gathering once more. Now they are negotiating about a world without nuclear weapons, avoiding to talk about the world bank system and dwelling again with another episode of the Israeli-Palestinian endless conflict.

There have also been many floods in different countries and elections are knocking on the door.

But for the first time a vaccin against the HIV seems to be able to reduce the risk of infection and H1N1 vaccination will start in October. So good news from the labs!

Still it doesn't really matter today. I still feel bored and not in the mood. I'll care later but not today, not this moment, not now.

Because we can have so many words and still don't talk, we can have so much in common and still not do the effort, we can have the highest reasons and still nothing changes. Unless we do.

And I won't talk about the food this time, coz I don't feel like eating. I won't enjoy a movie when it's not a TV that I want in front of me. I won't feel at home not because I miss too much somewherelse but because here there is not the place for me I thought I'd find. I won't talk it over to find that nothing really changes. And I won't really appreciate all that you may seem because I still don't know you.

I don't know where to start so I'll just jump to the middle. I wanna walk again but not feel like I need instead of staying in, I don't want to feel like I need a cat or some other prop to make it better, and I don't want to keep saying goodbye to those I start caring about to be left with those I ought to care for. Because the ought doesn't work anymore and there is no in-between, you either care or you don't.

So how do we do start caring (again)?
I'm willing to... but if and only if you are too...

snapshots of a Jordanian life (written on a mini-bus to Marj al Hamam)

• Ramadan Kareem sung on the streets while we pass by
• finding my adopted sister is Russian (!) and I met her here in Jordan :)
• let's order: "wahed humus, khamse falafel, ithnin chai o (and)... bread, how do you say bread?? :D
• driving back on a car with another 6 people and trying the whole way to hide from the police
• teaching the price of the bus to another foreigner who spoke Arabic and was wondering if 35 piasters means taht he's being robbed by the bus boy
• taking a taxi and telling the driver the directions by simple words like schmal (left), douguri (straight ahead), ayemin (right), la (no) and nus-nus (half-half, but for me works as well as "sort of")
• telling the taxi driver to head to McDonald's as a reference point to where I was going during the day in Ramadan, with him replying back "Ramadan Kareem", as in "it's Ramadan and you're going to Mac and break the fast?..."
• realizing that Jordanian kids are very similar to Portuguese ones (and in fact children all over)... they can go from angels to brats in seconds! Still we like them =)
• trying to upload photos of some iftars at 3am on the 27th Ramadan
• drinking tea and talking about the world and nothing on the terrace, while we hear the prayer of the mosk nearby

Tomorrow is Eid, the official end of Ramadan month. I think I'll miss it later during my year here... on the other hand, now travelling will be much easier! wohoo!!

these feet were made for walking

So Amman is not the best city to walk through.

You don't have sidewalks on some streets, but still it's fine; if a taxi sees you busy walking the driver will start honking because he automatically assumes you probably were searching for one and even though you know exactly which direction to go you'll find yourself sometimes making huge unnecessary turns around to get to a certain place, because there is an unexpected hill between the streets you wanted to cross or the road you're taking suddenly becomes a dead end.

So in the end you'll walk more. And the beauty is that you walk up and down the hills, between the houses, and get a superb view of the green lights coming from the mosks, also the shining crescent moons and stars that are the typical symbols of Ramadan and the city lights at the distance.

The weather is soft and fresh during the nights and the sun is kind during the days. If it wouldn't be for Ramadan and wanting to know what fasting feels like, I would spend my free time outside as much as possible.

But I did break my fast already. Two days ago I walked for 4 hours to renew my visa (currently applying for residency but it's taking ages), I didn't buy a bottle of water coz you are not supposed to drink in the streets during the daytime out of respect so I got back home completely dry, drank loads of water, threw water over my face and all over and rest my feet.

In half an hour I was alive again, took a shower and prepared myself for an Iftar out of home. Iftar (breakfast because it's the first meal of the day) takes place after the fasting and now with Ramadan in August it starts a bit after 7pm.

This is when we break the fast, then we can eat and drink normally the whole night and the fasting restarts at around 4am. At first I was waking up to eat something then or staying up till then, but now it's already easy if you eat just before going to bed, at 1am or around. The working schedule gets slightly shorter, you still start around 9am but finish at 3 or 4pm.

It's family time but it ends up being a really short meal because everyone is so hungry that in 15mins they are finished eating. This is so non-Portuguese style... or at least Granada style, where a meal takes hours if we allow it :D

But the point was, and going back to the walking aspect of it, Amman is a beautiful city to discover on foot. Even if the streets or the taxidrivers make you think otherwise, with Ramadan or without or when you get 7 people in a row telling you the wrong directions and out of their unique kindness wanting to call a taxi for you... as long as you can admire the view on the other side of the hill or the fresh breeze ("nessma") in your face it will have been worthwhile and three hours sooner or later you'll get there, based on hints and without a map.

And the wonderful thing is that you got everything it takes to get you there: your feet and your eyes to admire the view.

you cannot not communicate

Communication is for me one of the most important things in the world. It is the reason why I am fascinated with what (and especially who) surrounds me and the best way I have to learn.

But it's not immediate, actually it's more like something I sometimes have to work hard on and it's much more than speaking the same language. Although this also helps :)

I don't speak Arabic yet, unless I can communicate only by saying shukran (thank you), kifek/kifak (how are you), saha (bless you), tayeb (ok), kunsadiqi (private joke, means "be my friend" and it's taken from a song) and I still don't know how exactly I'll translate "saudade", "Santos Populares" and "gente da minha terra".

It sounds nostalgic but I feel it as an unconditional part of settling in. The fact that I moved country, am away from family and friends, don't feel the seabreaze or go to the beach now that it's summer it's not because I no longer like it there or got bored, it's much more than wanting to change places or experience something different. It's about what one strives for and what one believes in. I believe I can do something here. So I am here. Despite the language barriers, realising that there are barely any Portuguese here or for that matter knowledge of where Portugal is or what it is known for (which can actually be an advantage) or that living in Jordan turned out to be a bit expensive. Tudo vale a pena quando a alma não é pequena.

So I'll keep trying, failing and each time doing better to communicate. Innovate in it and become loser and closer in my own time. Learning also about what and when to give in and what I won't give away ever. Not excluding or exaggerating any part of it, any part of myself.

Btw, this is not a photo blog. Although I will for sure post some pics here, there's facebook and so many other places that do just the same. Just so you know, coz to be honest I keep forgetting my camera. Might be because between the world and me I prefer not to have a camera lens. Or it just might be obliviousness.

tonight, tomorrow and every other day

Today I officially start my functions here in Jordan. Believe is part of my promise, what I'll look for. But it is only the first step for amazing things to happen.

See you at infinity!